If you’ve already made a New Year’s resolution…
I’m sorry—but we need to talk.

Doing it the old way—mustering all the willpower you can, crossing your fingers, and leaping into a “better future”—usually lands people right where they didn’t want to be.

Back with the other well-intentioned majority who quietly give up by February.

Let’s do this differently.

Before we decide what to change, let’s clarify WHO we are and WHY it matters.

And maybe—just maybe—we make February the new January first.

The real problem with most resolutions

Before we talk about habits, strategies, or resolutions, we need to slow down and assess.

Because here’s the problem:

Most resolutions aren’t really goals—they’re fads with a deadline.
They’re well-intentioned, vague improvements without real buy-in.

And that’s not a character flaw.
It’s a design problem.

Most of us were taught that change works like this: try harder, want it more, and just don’t quit.

But change is hard. And willpower-based change doesn’t hold up very well under stress, fatigue, and real-life demands.

Motivation and enthusiasm are great assets—necessary, but not sufficient—because emotions come and go. And when life gets busy—or hard—and enthusiasm wanes (and it will), we don’t suddenly become weak-willed.

We simply revert to what’s familiar.

That’s why real change can’t be built on emotion alone. It has to be anchored in something deeper.

The “why” that actually holds

Real change—the kind that actually lasts—needs a compelling why.

Not a New Year’s why.
Not a guilt-driven why.

But a reason that resonates with who you are and what you truly believe.

Because when your why is shallow, change feels heavy. Burdensome.

But when your why is meaningful—when you’re doing it for you, or someone or something bigger than yourself—change feels worth it, even when it’s hard.

Here’s a Dr. Dave truth I’ve learned over years of doing this work:

Change sticks when it’s connected to who you want to be, not just what you think you should do.

And yes—I’m still learning this.  If we could only stop “shoulding” on ourselves (more about this in future offerings).

In psychology, this shows up in self-concordance theory, which is really just a fancy way of saying: we stick with change when it lines up with our values and our identity—our “core”—not when it’s driven by external pressure or guilt.

It also fits with self-determination theory, which tells us we’re more likely to sustain change when it supports:

• Autonomy (it’s chosen, not forced)

• Competence (it’s doable, not fantasy-level)

• Connection (it matters in a relational, human way)

In plain English: when change feels chosen, doable, and meaningful, it lasts longer.

That’s why assessment comes first.

Not to criticize yourself.
Not to relive regrets.

But to understand—honestly and kindly—what last year was really like for you.

Assessment is remembering

Assessment is also about remembering.

Remembering who you are beneath the shoulds.
Remembering what matters to you.
Remembering who you once dreamed of becoming before life got so busy.

Somewhere along the way, many of us stopped dreaming and started managing. Life becomes a series of duties—checklists and have-to’s—and we look in the mirror and hardly recognize ourselves.

That’s why we need to STOP.

Reflect. Remember. Recalibrate.

So before you decide what to change, it’s worth asking a different kind of question:

If there were fewer limitations—less pressure, less noise—who would you want to be this year?

Not who you think you should be.
But who you actually want to grow into.

The forgotten scientific method

It’s kind of funny—we learned how to do this “change thing” back in high school. Remember? The scientific method.

Before you change anything—before you run the experiment—you assess what’s already happening.

Somewhere along the way, we stopped applying that to our own lives.  We go about making change efforts without truly understanding the problem; how we got there, what’s keeping us there, and why we want to go somewhere different.

We need a different approach.  Good gardeners know this and do this instictively.

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As Farmer Dave Might Say:

“With gardening, it’s the same idea—only different.”

“You can’t just throw some seed down, willy-nilly, and expect growth. You’ve got to know what your plants actually need—what makes them “tick.”

Seeds need to be planted at the right depth.

Garlic? At least two inches deep.
Lettuce? Only about a quarter inch.

You want strong roots before strong shoots. Mix those up, and next year you won’t be eating much garlic… or salad.”

Which would make Farmer Dave very sad indeed.

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Gardening takes planning—which we’ll talk about in a future video—but it also takes looking back. Examining what worked and what didn’t last season.

If Farmer Dave’s cucumbers didn’t produce like he hoped, he doesn’t yell at the seeds.

He figures out why.

Was it the soil? Not enough sunlight? A pest problem—maybe made worse by planting in the same spot year after year?

Either way, you’ve got to pivot. Diagnose the real problem and adjust accordingly.

That’s smart gardening.

And you know what else is smart?

Keeping a garden journal (see previous post for details)

So you can track what worked—and learn from what didn’t.

Because failures in the garden aren’t failures at all.

They’re compost.

And compost creates rich soil—where plants, and gardeners, can grow and thrive.

Three assessment questions before you “do” anything

So what Farmer Dave is really pointing to—and what psychology has been saying for a long time—is this:

You don’t grow by guessing.
You grow by tuning in—by paying attention.

Before you rush into changing anything, here are three simple questions worth asking:

1. What actually worked for me last year—and what didn’t, even though I kept trying?

2. What was going on in my life that affected what worked or didn’t?

3. Have I been living true to my values?

Those questions aren’t about judgment. They’re about clarity.

A quick note on the updated Real Change arc (and why it matters)

When I first laid out this series, I moved from Assessment → Planning → Tending.

But as this series grew, it became obvious (clinically obvious) that something needed to be placed right after values and identity:

Ambivalence.

Because you can know your values. You can want the harvest.

And still have a part of you that quietly says, “Yes … but.”

That doesn’t mean you’re lazy or defective. It means you’re human. And it means we need to get honest about what change costs, what it protects, and what it disrupts—before we plan anything.

So if you feel stuck even after you’ve clarified your “why,” that’s not a dead end. It’s a sign you’re ready for the next right step: ambivalence work.

(That’s Part II.)

The worksheet (gentle, not perfect)

To make assessment easier, I put together a one-page reflection worksheet you can use before making any resolutions.

It walks you through looking back at last year, checking motivation, ability, and follow-through, and reconnecting with who you want to become—not just what you want to fix.

You can find it in the Resources section at GardenShrink.com.

It’s free. It’s simple. And it’s meant to be used gently—not perfectly.

A quick tie-in to grit (and why “design” matters)

If you watched my earlier video on perseverance and grit and Angela Duckworth’s work, this will sound familiar.

Grit isn’t intensity or will power. It’s continuity.  It’s long-term follow through and sticking to values even when results aren’t seen.

And continuity requires design—not just determination.

In the next video, we’ll talk about planning—but not willpower-heavy, perfect-on-paper planning. We’ll talk about how to design change that actually fits your life—your energy, your schedule, and your season.

A design that allows margin, not rigid rules.

And after that, we’ll talk about tending.

Because in gardens—and in life—missed days don’t mean you failed. They mean you’re human… and it’s time to adjust.

It’s time to pivot.

So don’t rush into a resolution just yet.

Motivation is great at the starting line, but it doesn’t always get us over the finish line.

Take some time to assess.
To reflect.
And to reconnect with what actually matters.

And when you’re ready…

c’mon… let’s grow together.